If you're an avid reader of this site, you no doubt know that I'm not one who is much for self-promotion. Additionally, if you're an avid reader of this site, you know that the statement I just said was a complete lie because I'm the most narcissistic person to ever cruise the interweb. I mean, seriously, I have like 15,000 websites that solely exist so that I have outlets to talk about myself and extol my wondrous virtues. The fact that I don't really have any wondrous virtues notwithstanding, I do a pretty good job of talking myself up.
So, with all of that, it should come as no surprise that this update is all about me and what I am doing. I was going to spend the day writing a different update which probably still involved me doing great things but the magic 8 ball that I consult for all of my important decisions said that I should go in a new direction. Well, actually, it said "As I see it, yes" which made no sense considering I asked it how many years I would get if I kidnapped a zebra but whatever. Technology just isn't as reliable as it used to be. Someone needs to invent a simplified version that just tells me that I am right all the time. If I wanted someone to continually disagree with me and tell me I was wrong, I'd talk to a Republican.
Despite my international status as the world's most important person who does stuff on the internet, I'm still human and because of that, I have a number of hobbies and addictions that aren't entirely healthy for me. Of course, I also have a lot of hobbies that aren't healthy for others, either, but as far as I know, dead hookers don't feel pain. Some among this list of vices could be considered extreme, such as the fact that I often poop in the middle of the kitchen floor and blame it on the dog but others are a bit more mild. Well, more like "medium" as in Tostitos brand Salsa Con Queso (medium), the third best thing on this planet next to me and me if I had an identical twin who was just as awesome as I am.
OK, so what is this about cheese? Well, I like cheese. Heck, we all like cheese. I mean, I didn't do an official poll or anything but it sounds right in my brain so that means it is at least 99% likely to be correct. Do you know what is even better than cheese? Tostitos cheese. What's one up from that? Taking completely random stuff that should never be mixed together and dipping it into Tostitos cheese. Not only are you wasting perfectly good food, you're ruining the cheese and helping your heart stop functioning prematurely. Only in America is this considered a sound thing to do. Somewhere, an Ethiopian child is trying to cry but his lack of a proper diet makes him extremely deficient in sodium and water so he just kind of sobs dryly. Thankfully, I don't have to look at him as I am throwing all of this half-eaten food in the garbage.
About a year ago, I got the brilliant idea to start making notes about whenever I dip something crazy in cheese and give it an official rating. I bought some websites and whatnot and then just kind of spaced out for the next 8 months. Flash forward to last week, I decided that I should probably get off my ass and get the websites online. Thus, the Dipped In Cheese side project is born.
http://www.dippedincheese.com
The site just went live yesterday and I'm still working on getting the rest of my dip reports online but there is enough to get you going for now.
You should do me a favor and visit the site lots and lots and tell everyone you know about it because I want it to become the super-popular internet hub for cheese-dipping. Actually, I think just by putting up any kind of site at all I might already be the center of the cheese-dipping universe. It's not a terribly popular activity among normal-minded folks. But enough about all of that. You're wasting valuable cheese reading time by continuing to read this. What, do you think I'm going to sneak some kind of really funny joke in way down here? Hell no. I'm tired. My arteries are clogging and I am finding it difficult to breathe. Time to look into getting a Rascal.
So, with all of that, it should come as no surprise that this update is all about me and what I am doing. I was going to spend the day writing a different update which probably still involved me doing great things but the magic 8 ball that I consult for all of my important decisions said that I should go in a new direction. Well, actually, it said "As I see it, yes" which made no sense considering I asked it how many years I would get if I kidnapped a zebra but whatever. Technology just isn't as reliable as it used to be. Someone needs to invent a simplified version that just tells me that I am right all the time. If I wanted someone to continually disagree with me and tell me I was wrong, I'd talk to a Republican.
Despite my international status as the world's most important person who does stuff on the internet, I'm still human and because of that, I have a number of hobbies and addictions that aren't entirely healthy for me. Of course, I also have a lot of hobbies that aren't healthy for others, either, but as far as I know, dead hookers don't feel pain. Some among this list of vices could be considered extreme, such as the fact that I often poop in the middle of the kitchen floor and blame it on the dog but others are a bit more mild. Well, more like "medium" as in Tostitos brand Salsa Con Queso (medium), the third best thing on this planet next to me and me if I had an identical twin who was just as awesome as I am.
OK, so what is this about cheese? Well, I like cheese. Heck, we all like cheese. I mean, I didn't do an official poll or anything but it sounds right in my brain so that means it is at least 99% likely to be correct. Do you know what is even better than cheese? Tostitos cheese. What's one up from that? Taking completely random stuff that should never be mixed together and dipping it into Tostitos cheese. Not only are you wasting perfectly good food, you're ruining the cheese and helping your heart stop functioning prematurely. Only in America is this considered a sound thing to do. Somewhere, an Ethiopian child is trying to cry but his lack of a proper diet makes him extremely deficient in sodium and water so he just kind of sobs dryly. Thankfully, I don't have to look at him as I am throwing all of this half-eaten food in the garbage.
About a year ago, I got the brilliant idea to start making notes about whenever I dip something crazy in cheese and give it an official rating. I bought some websites and whatnot and then just kind of spaced out for the next 8 months. Flash forward to last week, I decided that I should probably get off my ass and get the websites online. Thus, the Dipped In Cheese side project is born.
http://www.dippedincheese.com
The site just went live yesterday and I'm still working on getting the rest of my dip reports online but there is enough to get you going for now.
You should do me a favor and visit the site lots and lots and tell everyone you know about it because I want it to become the super-popular internet hub for cheese-dipping. Actually, I think just by putting up any kind of site at all I might already be the center of the cheese-dipping universe. It's not a terribly popular activity among normal-minded folks. But enough about all of that. You're wasting valuable cheese reading time by continuing to read this. What, do you think I'm going to sneak some kind of really funny joke in way down here? Hell no. I'm tired. My arteries are clogging and I am finding it difficult to breathe. Time to look into getting a Rascal.