Darkness.  Darkness once clouded the Earth, enveloping it in a claustrophobic iron-like grip.  Darkness is what killed the dinosaurs.  Ancient cultures shared a single belief about a man, one individual who was the bringer of light, the defeater of darkness.  It was said that he circled the Earth endlessly, tirelessly providing daylight and sunshine with his every step, infusing plants and animals alike with energy and rebirth.  The Native Americans named this stranger Skip Walker and he is once again circling the planet.

Skip Walker likes truth and justice but thinks that the American way is entirely dismissible.  Skip Walker treats life like a video game and always makes sure that he is playing at the highest difficulty setting.  Skip Walker set the high score.  Skip Walker thinks that you use cheat codes.  Skip Walker invented the extra value meal because he was tired of not getting his fair share.  Skip Walker thinks that the stock market sucks and refuses to check his voice mail because of it.  Skip Walker is a hard man to get in touch with.

Skip Walker sent out a press release to announce to the world that he was going purchase a diet soda instead of the orange juice that he usually got.  Skip Walker does not talk about Fight Club.  You are not in the same class as Skip Walker, largely because he started school a year before you did.  Skip Walker thinks that textbooks are merely a passing trend.  Skip Walker once held his breath for six minutes as a means of protesting air pollution.  Skip Walker uses facial recognition software while he grocery shops.  Skip Walker thinks that you have a cleanup on aisle nine.

Skip Walker single-handedly revived the breakdancing industry from near death when he introduced his special "camel backspin" move.  Skip Walker ain't no holla back girl.  Skip Walker put a spoiler on his Lincoln Towncar just to piss you off.  Skip Walker has rims that keep spinning.  Skip Walker only drinks root beer because he thinks that it makes him look tough.  Skip Walker is all about appearances.  Skip Walker had a nickname in elementary school and that nickname was "Bubbles."

Skip Walker once broke into a prison because he heard that the food was better on the inside.  Skip Walker once dated a cafeteria lady because he simply can't resist the fishnet hats.  Skip Walker isn't one to cry over spilled milk but he did yell out in anger once after someone dropped a cup of coffee.  Skip Walker has no horoscope.  Skip Walker got his college degree in marriage counseling because he thought that it would help his dating prospects.  Skip Walker would prefer that you hang up on him because he likes the soothing sound of the dialtone.  Skip Walker claims checkmate.

Skip Walker was the original drummer for Def Leppard and eventually left the band because he hates rock music.  Skip Walker has your credit card information.  Skip Walker wears a pirate patch to bed because he always sleeps with one eye open.  Skip Walker had a pet bird that died and he gave it to Goodwill.  Skip Walker rose the rank of Major while doing tours of duty with the Salvation Army.  Skip Walker has no tracking number.  There is a small microchip embedded in your neck and it has Skip Walker's picture on it.  Skip Walker is the one who caused the leak in your roof.

Skip Walker's inbox is filled with undeliverable email.  Skip Walker really likes handcuffs but prefers to be tied up because he likes showing restraint.  Skip Walker was the guy behind the guy that shot Kennedy.  Skip Walker once cured himself of pneumonia and decided to write a children's book about the whole ordeal.  Skip Walker thinks that it's important that toddlers know gun safety.  Skip Walker hates the idea of blank CD-Rs and backs up all his data to vinyl.  If you step out of line, Skip Walker will adjust your volume levels.  Skip Walker is in the mix.