Some say that we are headed towards a day of reckoning; the day in which God himself will float down to Earth and smite the entire populace with barely a flick of his wrist. Pastors and preachers have been harping on the faithful for centuries: repent now or burn with the rest of the sinners. And they do. They kneel, they pray; they donate what they can to the church in order for a better chance at salvation. These people are fools. The world is no closer to ending now than it was millenniums ago for if God were to ever step foot on this planet, even he would be tested. He would have to face the wrath of Earth's greatest protector. He would have to face the wrath of Skip Walker.
Skip Walker doesn't look down on the handicapped but he does look down at people in wheelchairs so that he can see them eye-to-eye. Skip Walker hops around on one foot because he likes having a leg up on the competition. Skip Walker secretly envies bald people because they have no need to budget for shampoo and this makes him jealous. Skip Walker won best of breed at the annual Illinois State Dog Fair in 2004 but refused to come back in 2005 and defend his title on the grounds that Illinois as a state "sucks." Skip Walker wants you and your lesbian friend to come over and clean his house.
Skip Walker knows that the internet is not a big truck that you can just dump stuff on. Skip Walker realizes that it's merely a series of tubes. Skip Walker entered his own name in google and was happy to see that it returned over 800 results. Skip Walker found the meaning of life on page four. Skip Walker installed spyware on your computer when you last took it in for servicing and now he knows all of your passwords to that website you visit when you think no one is looking. Skip Walker always makes sure that he is away from his desk when you call, partially because he doesn't like you but mostly because he finds the voicemail light on his phone soothing. Skip Walker snipes his own auctions on ebay because he likes the thrill of victory.
Skip Walker was pirating on the high seas way before it became chic. Skip Walker had a notable role in the Super Mario Bros. movie where he played the guy who sold Luigi a cactus. The scene was eventually cut from the theatrical release. Skip Walker sells bootleg dvds out of the back of his rental car because he believes that Blockbuster is run by a bunch of communists. Skip Walker directed the movie "Reefer Madness" and he'd like to remind you that the ultimate collector's edition DVD will be released in 2010. Skip Walker intentionally sets forest fires because he's addicted to second hand smoke.
Skip Walker will throw you a life vest if you're drowning but start laughing once you realize that it's full of holes and deflating rapidly. Skip Walker was aboard the Titanic but merely walked to shore once the ship began sinking. Skip Walker lowered his car and then put big tires on it just to confuse everyone else on the road. Skip Walker pimps his ride. Skip Walker often leaves the faucet running in public bathrooms in order to create awareness for water conservation. Skip Walker is bulimic because he believes in being old-fashioned. Skip Walker will send you postcards for places he's never been just to remind you that you once gave him syphilis. One time, Skip Walker was the secret ingredient on the "Iron Chef" show.
Skip Walker walks to Jiffy Lube and asks for an oil change, but only because he really likes the taste of free coffee. Skip Walker offers enemas to the homeless because research shows that it'll prevent the next big earthquake in India. Cleanliness is next to Skip Walker. Skip Walker is all for using the metric system but he thinks that Celsius is for weirdos and dorks. Skip Walker wrote a check that his butt can't cash, largely because his butt knows nothing about banking, online or otherwise. Skip Walker is a defaulted loan. Skip Walker once enrolled himself in a concentration camp because he thought that it would make him smarter. Skip Walker has a lot of Jewish friends.
Skip Walker has no hands and still leads the MLB in runs batted in. Skip Walker drinks spolied milk because he doesn't believe in expiration dates. Skip Walker granted himself access to your apartment while you were sleeping and stole a bottle of ketchup from your refrigerator. Skip Walker lives in the desert because he appreciates humidity. Skip Walker is getting all hot about global warming. Skip Walker wound up pregnant once but laughed, shrugged, and walked it off. Skip Walker committed the entire English dictionary to memory and then proceeded to disregard only the words that he felt were important. Skip Walker is more than a written update.
Skip Walker doesn't look down on the handicapped but he does look down at people in wheelchairs so that he can see them eye-to-eye. Skip Walker hops around on one foot because he likes having a leg up on the competition. Skip Walker secretly envies bald people because they have no need to budget for shampoo and this makes him jealous. Skip Walker won best of breed at the annual Illinois State Dog Fair in 2004 but refused to come back in 2005 and defend his title on the grounds that Illinois as a state "sucks." Skip Walker wants you and your lesbian friend to come over and clean his house.
Skip Walker knows that the internet is not a big truck that you can just dump stuff on. Skip Walker realizes that it's merely a series of tubes. Skip Walker entered his own name in google and was happy to see that it returned over 800 results. Skip Walker found the meaning of life on page four. Skip Walker installed spyware on your computer when you last took it in for servicing and now he knows all of your passwords to that website you visit when you think no one is looking. Skip Walker always makes sure that he is away from his desk when you call, partially because he doesn't like you but mostly because he finds the voicemail light on his phone soothing. Skip Walker snipes his own auctions on ebay because he likes the thrill of victory.
Skip Walker was pirating on the high seas way before it became chic. Skip Walker had a notable role in the Super Mario Bros. movie where he played the guy who sold Luigi a cactus. The scene was eventually cut from the theatrical release. Skip Walker sells bootleg dvds out of the back of his rental car because he believes that Blockbuster is run by a bunch of communists. Skip Walker directed the movie "Reefer Madness" and he'd like to remind you that the ultimate collector's edition DVD will be released in 2010. Skip Walker intentionally sets forest fires because he's addicted to second hand smoke.
Skip Walker will throw you a life vest if you're drowning but start laughing once you realize that it's full of holes and deflating rapidly. Skip Walker was aboard the Titanic but merely walked to shore once the ship began sinking. Skip Walker lowered his car and then put big tires on it just to confuse everyone else on the road. Skip Walker pimps his ride. Skip Walker often leaves the faucet running in public bathrooms in order to create awareness for water conservation. Skip Walker is bulimic because he believes in being old-fashioned. Skip Walker will send you postcards for places he's never been just to remind you that you once gave him syphilis. One time, Skip Walker was the secret ingredient on the "Iron Chef" show.
Skip Walker walks to Jiffy Lube and asks for an oil change, but only because he really likes the taste of free coffee. Skip Walker offers enemas to the homeless because research shows that it'll prevent the next big earthquake in India. Cleanliness is next to Skip Walker. Skip Walker is all for using the metric system but he thinks that Celsius is for weirdos and dorks. Skip Walker wrote a check that his butt can't cash, largely because his butt knows nothing about banking, online or otherwise. Skip Walker is a defaulted loan. Skip Walker once enrolled himself in a concentration camp because he thought that it would make him smarter. Skip Walker has a lot of Jewish friends.
Skip Walker has no hands and still leads the MLB in runs batted in. Skip Walker drinks spolied milk because he doesn't believe in expiration dates. Skip Walker granted himself access to your apartment while you were sleeping and stole a bottle of ketchup from your refrigerator. Skip Walker lives in the desert because he appreciates humidity. Skip Walker is getting all hot about global warming. Skip Walker wound up pregnant once but laughed, shrugged, and walked it off. Skip Walker committed the entire English dictionary to memory and then proceeded to disregard only the words that he felt were important. Skip Walker is more than a written update.