When you're hanging out with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -- and I mean really hanging out with them and not just acting like some sort of phony -- people look at you differently.  You have a certain status, a certain air about your being that they know they will never be able to match.  Another day, another sewer though.  It really is more glamorous from the outside looking in.  All they ever really talk about these days is how they have been unable to shake the "teenage" moniker that has stuck with them throughout the years.  I tried to tell them that calling themselves the "Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles" makes them sound like a traveling porn freak show but turtles are mighty stubborn creatures.  Leonardo just completed his last home schooling course and managed to finally earn his high school diploma.  All of us in the sewer are real proud of him.  It just proves the point that even mutants can be people of society, even if they are turtles.

Yesterday, I had some extra time on my hands.  It took three hours of rinsing just to get them clean again.  After doing some research on the internet, I decided that I was going to be involved in helping start a grassroots campaign.  Unfortunately, it turned out to only appeal to turf enthusiasts.  I've been thinking a lot about the opposite sex lately.  For all my faults and problems, I figured out that what I really needed was a stable relationship.  Unfortunately, dating horses is against the law in most states and I had to put that idea down for good.  There I was thinking that it was a sure thing.  Life is like an analogy.

I hid my shame the other day and I couldn't seem to remember where I put it.  It resurfaced a few days later and was a little parched, so I gave it some warm milk.  I decided that I wanted to go back to school and learn how to be an elevator repairman, just so that I could see what it was like moving up in my career.  I sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve.  I read somewhere in Vogue that it's the latest fashion craze.  I started reading such magazines because I like to think of myself as hip, but then I realized that I'm a lot more than that.  I mean, with all the cartiledge, muscles, organs, and bones, I'm actually a pretty complex being.  My favorite animal is the scapegoat and I just wish I could find a store that sold them.

Cross-dressers have a lot more fashion options than normal people and I think that I am a little bothered by that.  While out walking, I came across an angered contortionist and I tried my best to console him.  Regardless of what I said, he kept getting all bent out of shape.  I'm always looking for new and exciting ways to prepare my favorite meals for dinner time.  Last night, I opted to do it in a dress while telling silly jokes to myself.  One time decided to cook a comedian.  It's hard to say whether I did it right because the food tasted funny.  I recently saw a television ad that claimed I could take pills that would transform the shape of my body overnight.  If that's the case, I always wanted to be an octagon.  I'd show those idiots in the Pentagon a few more sides to the issue.  As I was driving home from work the other day, I saw a child get run over by a car.  I was devastated and, honestly, I still am.  I have no idea how I am going to pay for all the damage he did to my vehicle.  I once saw a FedEx truck deliver a package to the UPS Store and it blew my mind.

And now, we check in with our ace sideline reporter, Donny "Cheeze Riz" Rizzo.  He weighs in again on his dislike for Skip, the rambunctious (but few) PNC fans, and how great he is.  It's a little segment we like to call:

Rebuttin' With Rizzo

To Skippy-son,
Ha!  You talk more shit than a colon with a surgically implanted voice-box.  You need to be honest with your so-called fans (if thats even an appropriate term for a bunch of carpenter ants juiced up on Thorazine).  You stole your whole style from me and my pet sloth.  Remember that rainy night at that brothel in Saigon?  What, oh you dont?  Maybe thats cause my 'iron-squirrel-fist' had you laid out like a quadrapalegic with an equilibrium disorder.  Then my sloth had his way with you.  Oh that was rich.  Like I said, anytime, anywhere.  Bow down to the Donny-Lama.

P.S. I am your father.