I haven't put much thought into it but I came to the conclusion today that I don't really understand life. I mean, the point of life is existence and that the opposite of life is dying, with dying being the number one cause for people to stop living. But as to what it all means, it's like reading a product manual in German. Assuming that you can't read or understand German, because that would be cheating. Everyone likes to live their life day to day, but I plan on living the afterlife by the quarter. In fact, when I am buried, I only want my grave to be five feet deep instead of the required six feet. That way, I can spend eternity with everyone looking up to me.
I put Jesus in the contacts list on my cell phone and gave him his own ringtone. Hopefully I'll know when he comes calling next time. We often have long conversations that stretch on into the night, but I get the feeling that he isn't really listening. I like to tease him about his whole dying thing and he responds by giving me warts. I'm not too sure where our friendship is going at this point. A lot of people like to say that I am full of shit but in reality, I'm just constipated. It should pass in a few days. I went to go see a doctor about it and wound up getting a lobotomy. I'm not really sure what I think anymore.
I sometimes spend my afternoons stalking Goth kids, which is just my way of letting them know that I understand what they are going through. However, I don't think I will ever understand the goth culture. Instead of saying thanks, all they ever say is, "Stop following me you freak" and "Hey Mister, stop touching my ass." I once misspelled my name on a credit application and temporarily forgot who I was. Maybe that's the same thing that happened to them. I'm going through recovery now because the first covery did nothing. Remind me to go back and talk to the guy who sold it to me.
I found myself running for my life and running away from my feelings at the same time. I caught up with my life but my feelings passed me right by. I'd like to think that I miss them but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the whole thing. Self-improvement gurus like to say that you need to look inside yourself to find the answer. I tried that once and it really hurt. I don't recommend it. They also like to say that home is where the heart is, which is precisely why I wear a stethascope around 24 hours a day so that I don't get lost. I wish that I could go back in time and cripple a whole village of people just to demonstrate how much time travel hurts us all.
I have two cell phones and will occasionally call the other in order to talk to my better half. While out walking the other day, I was mugged while in a dark alley but all they took was my ambiguity. I was pretty shook up over the whole ordeal or maybe I wasn't. It's so hard to tell these days. I can't imagine that a crabapple tastes very good. Last I heard, seafood and fruit don't breed well together. People often come up to me and mistake me for other people. Honestly, I am tired of being kidnapped. I plan on purchasing a dirt-colored vehicle and never washing it. Hopefully no one will notice the difference.
I woke up the other morning only to find that I had somehow lost my innocence. Thankfully, it was just at a neighbor's house and he returned it later that day. I don't really take myself seriously. In fact, I don't really take myself anywhere. I'm more of the at home type. A lot of people like to remark about how funny I am. The only problem is that I don't find myself funny. I know all the punchlines to every joke I tell. I was thinking about retiring my car but then I realized I just bought a new set and they should last me for quite a while. I used to have a pen pal who was illiterate. What a waste of time that was. I spent some time in a skydiving school but everyone considered me a drop out. If life really is like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, then I need to turn to page 47 now if I want to proceed through the door and page 122 if I want to continue down the hall.
I put Jesus in the contacts list on my cell phone and gave him his own ringtone. Hopefully I'll know when he comes calling next time. We often have long conversations that stretch on into the night, but I get the feeling that he isn't really listening. I like to tease him about his whole dying thing and he responds by giving me warts. I'm not too sure where our friendship is going at this point. A lot of people like to say that I am full of shit but in reality, I'm just constipated. It should pass in a few days. I went to go see a doctor about it and wound up getting a lobotomy. I'm not really sure what I think anymore.
I sometimes spend my afternoons stalking Goth kids, which is just my way of letting them know that I understand what they are going through. However, I don't think I will ever understand the goth culture. Instead of saying thanks, all they ever say is, "Stop following me you freak" and "Hey Mister, stop touching my ass." I once misspelled my name on a credit application and temporarily forgot who I was. Maybe that's the same thing that happened to them. I'm going through recovery now because the first covery did nothing. Remind me to go back and talk to the guy who sold it to me.
I found myself running for my life and running away from my feelings at the same time. I caught up with my life but my feelings passed me right by. I'd like to think that I miss them but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the whole thing. Self-improvement gurus like to say that you need to look inside yourself to find the answer. I tried that once and it really hurt. I don't recommend it. They also like to say that home is where the heart is, which is precisely why I wear a stethascope around 24 hours a day so that I don't get lost. I wish that I could go back in time and cripple a whole village of people just to demonstrate how much time travel hurts us all.
I have two cell phones and will occasionally call the other in order to talk to my better half. While out walking the other day, I was mugged while in a dark alley but all they took was my ambiguity. I was pretty shook up over the whole ordeal or maybe I wasn't. It's so hard to tell these days. I can't imagine that a crabapple tastes very good. Last I heard, seafood and fruit don't breed well together. People often come up to me and mistake me for other people. Honestly, I am tired of being kidnapped. I plan on purchasing a dirt-colored vehicle and never washing it. Hopefully no one will notice the difference.
I woke up the other morning only to find that I had somehow lost my innocence. Thankfully, it was just at a neighbor's house and he returned it later that day. I don't really take myself seriously. In fact, I don't really take myself anywhere. I'm more of the at home type. A lot of people like to remark about how funny I am. The only problem is that I don't find myself funny. I know all the punchlines to every joke I tell. I was thinking about retiring my car but then I realized I just bought a new set and they should last me for quite a while. I used to have a pen pal who was illiterate. What a waste of time that was. I spent some time in a skydiving school but everyone considered me a drop out. If life really is like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, then I need to turn to page 47 now if I want to proceed through the door and page 122 if I want to continue down the hall.
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